


Epilogue (Prologue)

by munzie (enjolrasenthusiast)



Series: The College Experience [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, College AU, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, all the erejean stuff i write is really happy bc i cant bear to see them sad okay, also its gonna be kinda longer and ive never really done that before either, biology teacher hanji makes me so happy, dumb boys falling in love, its the coffee shop au i seriously needed to write, not in the main characters dont worry, so you might have to wait a few chapters before any dicks come in, sorry sorry, therES BUTT STUFF IN THIS ONE IVE NEVER WRITTEN BUTT STUFF BEFORE
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-01-14 17:34:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1275052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enjolrasenthusiast/pseuds/munzie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been five years, but in that one split second, it had been no time at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Snows In Washington

**Author's Note:**

> WELL here I go with the longest fanfic project I've started, wish me luck!! I already have four and a half chapters written, but I'm not going to put them up all at once (well maybe I might, but only if I get impatient). Anyway, have fun with this dumb coffee shop AU thats been done a thousand times over!
> 
> Again, not beta'd, sorry :c still havent found anyone willing to do that for me but if you like my stuff and you're interested then send me a message right [here](http://www.kirschteinvevo.tumblr.com/ask)

Jean stumbled a little as he got out of his car, feet slipping and searching for purchase on the thick blanket of fresh snow. He managed to reach his hand out and grab the car door, just barely avoiding the nasty spill he would have taken otherwise. He let out a small sigh of relief and picked up the notebook he had dropped. The last thing he needed was an accident on the first day back. Granted, he had done this all before, but this was his last semester. His last first day, his last five months as a college student, his last everything. He couldn't fuck this up.

He closed the door and locked his car as he walked away, shaking the falling snow off his coat and wrapping his scarf tighter around his neck. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets, his notebook tucked safely away into the bag slung over his shoulder. His breath took the form of little puffs of steam in front of his face, appearing and disappearing in the blink of an eye. The street was filled with students rushing to get to class early, and Jean was jostled and bumped with every step he took.

He let the crowd carry him until he was standing outside the door to the lecture hall, face to face with the tarnished placard that read: Prof. Zoe - Biological Sciences. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for the last five months of his academic life. As he exhaled, he placed his hand on the cold handle of the door and stepped inside.

Hanji's classroom was just how he remembered, although he figured it would be silly to think it would change noticeably during the month and a half he had been gone. The professor herself stood in the front of her desk, shuffling papers hastily. Her hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail, and her glasses sat askew just above her hairline. The lab coat she sported completed the mad scientist look that Jean was so used to. She smiled warmly when she saw him, and his nerves were finally set at ease.

He took his usual seat towards the front of the room, pulling out his notebook and laptop. He ignored the other students as they filed in, focusing only on powering up his laptop and signing in so he could take notes. he noticed Hanji checking her watch every now and then, and he subconsciously did the same. At eleven sharp, she closed and locked the door to the classroom. With that, she turned to the students and clapped her hands.

"Welcome back, everyone!" A few unintelligible responses came from various areas of the lecture hall, but the lack of enthusiasm did nothing to diminish her bright smile. Her voice was loud enough to clearly reach the back of the room and then some. "Hope you all had a relaxing winter break, because you'll be diving headfirst into this starting today. So, if you'll please gather up your things and find a partner, we have a project we need to start." Almost as an afterthought, she added, "Oh, by the way, this assignment will be one third of your grade. Due on February 18th!" After that, she left the students to mill about and find suitable partners themselves.

Jean headed straight for the other side of the room, to where he knew Marco would be. The two of them had managed to get all of their core classes together, so they would never be in need of a study or lab partner. Marco flashed a thumbs up and a smile to Jean when he saw him, and the two of them went up to Hanji for their assignment. She grinned at them when they reached her, a predatory glint in her eyes.

"First ones up, eh? You two get a special prompt then." She handed them each a sheet of paper. "I need a ten page research paper and a recorded lab session studying the effects of drugs and/or pollution on various animals." They waited for further clarification, but there was none. Hanji only reminded the of the due date and shooed them off to begin.

They returned to Jean's seat, as Marco's had been taken over by other pairs. They still had an hour and a half left of class, and they spent it deciding what to do for their project.

As Hanji dismissed them from the lecture hall, Jean called out to Marco. "Wanna get some coffee later?"

Marco turned to smile at Jean. "Does six sound good?"

"Sounds fine to me," he replied, smiling and starting to walk again.


	2. To See You Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe the universe liked fucking Jean over, maybe it just liked watching him squirm. Either way, whatever they were trying to do was working.
> 
> Or, Jean meets someone he thought he'd gotten rid of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOr ry sorry sorry i know this took forever to upload awawaaaaa  
> ive had it written for a while i just never have the time to put it on my computer sobs /////

Jean showed up at the campus cafe just before six, noticing Marco had beaten him there. He smiled at the other boy through the window, picking up his pace until he was inside the warm building. 

He started to order his coffee, but Marco had already gotten one, and it was waiting for him on the opposite side of the table Marco sat at. It was warm, but not hot, and as Jean tasted it he was pleasantly surprised to find that Marco had ordered it exactly how he liked. It was uncanny how well Marco knew him, especially when Jean had only met the boy a year before. He didn't complain, though, he couldn't have asked for a better friend than Marco. If he was honest with himself, he might have even liked Marco a little. He pushed the thought away, though. The last - and only - time he had been in a relationship, it had ended horribly, and Jean couldn't afford to do that to himself or Marco. Not when they were so close.

They talked about the project for the better part of two hours, until Marco had to leave and finish the rest of his homework for the day. Jean packed up his notebook and laptop as Marco left, the chime of the door signaling that he and the barista were the last two people in the coffee shop.

When he was about to leave, he stopped and decided to buy himself another coffee. He had a long night of homework ahead of him, and he didn't want to fall asleep. He turned back and started to order, but the barista stopped him with a tired, "My shift's over, man. Just wait for the new guy, he should be here any minute." As he finished speaking, the door chimed once again and Jean heard loud footsteps behind him.

"Sorry I'm late, Mike, its snowing-" The familiar voice cut off and the footsteps stopped. Jean turned around to look at the boy who had just walked in.

It had been five years, but in that one split second, it had been no time at all. He stared at the boy with snow in his hair and an apron in his hands, torn between kissing him breathless and downing enough alcohol to kill a horse. Turquoise eyes stared back at him, wide and scared and disbelieving. Neither one spoke.

The barista - Mike? - cleared his throat, and the moment passed. "Well, if you're here now, I'll just take off."

"Y-yeah," the newcomer stammered, all but ripping his gaze from Jean and running to his spot behind the counter. Mike left, and it was just the two of them in the dimly lit coffee shop. Jean let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding, and it floated out of his lungs and over his tongue in the form of a name.

"Eren."

"Order," Eren said shakily, hand already on an empty cup. Jean took a few seconds to register what he has said, mouth flapping open and closed like a fish out of water. 

"Caramel mocha," he said once he had regained control of his muscles. "Double whipped cream." Eren was a blur behind the counter, nervously shuffling the items around him when his hands were free. He shook as he poured the drink into Jean's cup, and he knocked the cup off the edge of the counter when he reached for the whipped cream.

"Fuck!" He scrambled for a towel, bending down out of Jean's line of sight to clean up the spilled coffee. He fixed Jean another drink when he was finished, shaking even more but miraculously not spilling anything. Coffee in hand, Jean shoved the money over the counter and all but sprinted out, leaving Eren alone with his change. His phone was in his hand before he even reached his car, thumb hovering over Marco's name and picture. He remembered why Marco had left, though, and put the phone back in his pocket. He would leave his friend be.

He didn't drive away like he had planned to. Instead he sat, sipping his coffee and watching Eren mill about in the empty coffee shop. Every so often, he would lean forward, elbows on the counter and head in his hands. He was talking to himself, but Jean couldn't figure out what he was saying. Eren grabbed the towel and began wiping down the counter angrily, his face set in the same irritated look that he always had when he was stressed. Jean felt a little surge of pride that it was him that had flustered Eren so much, especially after the way their last encounter had gone.

Eventually, Jean finished his coffee and started the engine, driving away with his eyes anywhere but on Eren and the little coffee shop he worked at.


	3. If You Thought I Didn't Love You (Eleventh Grade)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were juniors, and they were happy, and everything was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How about two chapters in one night ~~because I really don't want to do my essay~~
> 
> And while we're at it, how about some kisses because everyone loves kisses!!
> 
> (This chapter is a flashback to the summer before Jean and Eren's junior year of highschool, in case that wasn't clear.)

"Jaeger, get your ass back here!" Jean bent over and put his hands on his knees, panting and struggling to regain his breath. Eren's laugh drifted back to him from the other side of the empty park, followed first by the soft rustle of footsteps on grass and then by Eren himself. He reached a hand out to Jean, which Jean knocked away with a playful laugh.

"Still can't catch me, can you, Jean?" he teased. "Too slow, too slow!" His voice went high, wavering in sing-song pitches.

"Who said I wanted to catch you?"

"That's not what I heard."

Eren's voice had dropped to a whisper, and suddenly the air was much too thick and serious for Jean. his heart beat erratically, thumping against his ribs like the beat of a drum. He tried to pass it off with a laugh, but it came out more tense and nervous than anything. Eren may have been an idiot, but even he could have figured out what Jean's sudden silence meant. He dropped his hand and stared at Jean, who stood up straight and glared back defiantly. Jean could see the little wrinkles in Eren's forehead that gave away just how hard he was thinking. He mentally backpedaled, trying to find something he could say to save face.

"Eren, it's not-"

He was cut off by the feel of rough lips on his own. His breath stuck in his throat, and his hands came up to rest on Eren's hips. The kiss wasn't harsh or demanding like Jean had imagined - and he had done that quite a bit - but instead it was gentle, pleading, hesitant, and Jean realized he hadn't been kissing back at all. He returned the kiss with fervor, crushing his lips to Eren's and circling his arms around his waist to draw him in and hold him close. Eren lifted his hands and tangled them in the fabric of Jean's thin t-shirt, pulling him down to match his own height.

They pulled apart reluctantly after a few minutes, and Eren handed back the phone he had taken from Jean. They were quiet as they walked back towards the park entrance, but their shoulders brushed every so often.

"You know," Eren said when they were outside, "Sometimes you're not so bad."

Jean just smirked. "Not so bad yourself, Jaeger."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeeeeeeee ive been waiting to write them kissing for a while now!!!! anyway, that's probably it for tonight unless i feel like uploading another chapter after i finish my essay
> 
> there's a comment button and a kudos button down there that are just waiting for you to click them!


	4. Did He Think Of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean reflects. Marco helps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm updating this so slowly, everything's written and I have time, I'm just a lazy piece of shit :c

"And you dated for how long?"

Jean groaned. "Two years."

Marco was quiet, mulling over the situation in his head. His fingers drummed against the worn wood table, dancing over the patterns in the grain. Jean lay slumped over across from him, head resting on his crossed arms and biology textbook sitting, forgotten, off to the side.

"It's just...I thought I'd gotten rid of him, you know? I left the day after he dumped me, all 'oh not gay sorry sorry two years meant nothing,' and I moved up North. How the fuck was I supposed to expect him to follow me? You'd think he wanted to get rid of me, not the other way around." He finished up his short rant with a series of unintelligible noises aimed into the inside of his elbow. Marco just hummed, not quite sure what to say. Honestly, he didn't understand it much more than Jean.

"And you haven't talked to him since?"

"Not a word."

"You should," Marco said, looking at Jean to make sure he was still paying attention. "You should do that."

Jean raised his head, looking Marco in the eyes. "And if I do? What do I say, 'Oh hey Eren, haven't seen you in five years, are you still not gay or am I allowed to awkwardly post-breakup flirt with you yet?' Marco, I can't even be in the same room as the guy without wanting to drink myself stupid. How the fuck am I supposed to talk to him?"

Marco fell silent for a second, thinking of how best to respond. "Just...try saying hello or something like that. It's a good place to start." Jean groaned and slumped back over, head hitting the table with a loud thump.

"Let's just...schedule some lab time or something." Marco nodded, not completely satisfied but willing to compromise for the time being, and began checking lab availability times for their project.

"You should talk to him, though. I get the feeling you don't want him to leave as much as you keep saying." Jean whined again and sat up, pulling his laptop out of his bag and turning it on. He typed distractedly, only half aware of what he was reading and even less aware of what he was writing. He glanced over at his textbook every so often, skimming the lines with blurred vision. His mind began to wander and he was nearly gone when he heard Marco calling his name. He looked back at his screen and saw that Eren's name dotted the page four times.

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhh sorry that this is so short, I swear the next chapter's longer!


	5. Dream A Little Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes dreams were nice, other times they weren't. Eren seemed to inspire a certain brand of the latter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERES THE PORN  
> FINALLY

_Eren was hot underneath him, cheeks flushed and lips bitten raw. He struggled, eyes shut tight and hips seeking contact desperately. His mouth was open, panting, and little whines escaped him every few seconds. Jean held his hips down with both hands, putting all of his considerable strength into making sure Eren couldn't move. He lowered his face slowly, pressing his nose against the sharp outline of Eren's pelvis and mouthing softly at the swell of his member. Eren tried unsuccessfully to jerk his hips up, but Jean only pulled away and held him down more firmly. Eren whined, pawing at Jean's shoulders with one hand._

_Jean looked up, taking in the sight of Eren hot and flushed with need underneath him. His pupils were blown wide and his mouth had fallen open. His red lips glistened, a product of Eren licking them so often. A noise that could have been Jean's name escaped his throat, guttural and needy and just animal enough to make Jean's mouth go dry. He averted his eyes, feeling every image of Eren travel straight down his body to coil in his gut and make his dick strain painfully against the fabric of his jeans. He brought his mouth down again, not going for Eren's crotch this time but for the waistband of his briefs. Eren let out a low groan when he realized what Jean was doing, his hands twisting in the fabric of the sheets beneath his fingers. Jean just smirked and let his teeth scrape roughly against Eren's skin as he took the fabric in his mouth.He dragged it down antagonizingly slowly, making sure not to let any part of him come in contact with Eren's flushed erection. He pulled his face to the side, his nose brushing over the skin of Eren's thigh instead. Eren whined._

_When Jean had finally removed Eren's briefs, letting them drop to the floor, he brought his face back up level with Eren's. He placed a playful kiss on the lips of the other boy, but Eren pushed him away. "Fuckin nasty man, you just had my dick on that thing." Jean just chuckled and relented, instead moving to attack Eren's neck. He bit and licked alternately, nipping at a patch of skin before soothing it with his tongue and moving on. He did this as he moved back down, his teeth and tongue traveling from his neck down to the planes of his tanned chest, where he stopped a bit to tease one of Eren's nipples, and further down to his stomach. His hands moved back to keep Eren's hips still as he teased the area just shy of his dick. "Jean, fuck-"_

_Eren's breath caught in his throat as Jean took his entire length in his mouth. The tip brushed the back of Jean's throat, and he pulled back just a little to avoid gagging. Eren was choking on his on words, head tossing back and forth and hands grasping at Jean's short hair. Jean smirked, beginning to bob his head expertly and pulling his lips back over his tooth to avoid hurting Eren. Moans unabashedly ripped their way from Eren's throat, garbled versions of both Jean's name and God's making Jean's dick twitch uncomfortably._

_Jean pulled his mouth off of Eren's member, licking a long stripe up the length and blowing cold breaths of air over the slit. Eren groaned, curses spilling over his pretty lips. It was too much for Jean, and he stood up and fumbled with his belt. Finally managing to get it off, he all but tore his jeans off, letting them fall ungracefully to the ground and exposing his throbbing erection to the cold air of Eren's bedroom. He scrambled back onto the bed, settling himself comfortably on his hands and knees above the shorter boy. He kissed Eren again, and Eren kissed him back despite his earlier complaints about Jean's dick breath._

_Jean dragged his hips down across Eren's, a low moan building in the back of his throat and sneaking out in the form of Eren's name. Eren reached a spit-slicked hand down and grabbed their cocks in one tight fist, setting a frenzied pace and making Jean's eyes roll back in his head. Moans and gasps filled the room, despite both boys' attempts to stifle the sounds with their mouths. Jean was lost, lost in a world that consisted only of him and Eren and the glorious friction between their bare, heated bodies. Their kisses grew messy, more saliva and panting than actual kissing. The noise in the small room grew louder and louder, until Jean was seeing stars, spilling over himself onto Eren's hand and stomach. Eren followed him over the edge, coming in thick spurts that coated Jean's chest and his own. They lay there for a few seconds, reveling in the warm afterglow, until-_

Jean woke up groaning, feeling the sticky fabric of his boxers clinging uncomfortably to his softening dick. Sunlight filtered through the window, soft and muted by the heavy curtains. It couldn't have been later than eight. Jean sighed defeatedly, he usually didn't wake up until at least nine, but there was no way he could go back to sleep in his condition. He sat up with a groan and stretched, feeling his spine pop with a satisfying sound. He got up and peeled off his soiled pajama pants and undergarments, followed by the thin shirt he had slept in. Both were tossed into the half-filled laundry basket that sat by his door. He began to strip the sheets from the bed, but a realization hit him. He froze, his dream rushing back to him in a flood of vivid images. His eyes went wide, and the crumpled sheet fell from his hands.

"Fuck!" Jean berated himself out loud, cheeks flushing and anger rising. Why the fuck would he have a dream about Eren,  _Eren_ of all people, and about them  _fucking_ , no no no this couldn't be happening. He picked up the sheet and threw it into the laundry basket after his clothes, and all but ran to the bathroom. He turned the shower on full blast, letting out a heated string of expletives when his skin was hit with freezing cold water. He hastily fiddled with the knobs, trying to calm his nerves. As he finally got the shower to a decent temperature, he lathered up his hair with the shampoo sitting on the side of the tub.  


He had relaxed considerably by the time he was finished, and he had almost pushed the thought of Eren out of his head as he wrapped a dry towel around his waist and went back to his bedroom. He dressed in silence, taking his shirt and pants out and putting them on mechanically. He walked barefoot through his empty apartment, heading towards the kitchen. He started the coffee pot with numb fingers, pulling a pack of s'mores poptarts out from the box on top of the microwave and putting them into the toaster.

_"This is a box of poptarts." Jean looked at Eren blankly, holding his birthday present in one hand and struggling to keep a thoroughly unimpressed look on his face. Eren just shrugged._

_"You always eat mine when you come over, so I figured I'd get you a box of your own."_

_Jean grumbled. "Shit present. I'd better be getting a blowjob later, then."_

_Eren winked._

Jean shook his head, irritated at the fact that he still remembered that. He took his coffee and wrapped his poptarts in a napkin before grabbing his keys, heading out of his apartment, and setting off for class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope it was alright, there's more plot later, i promise! comments and kudos are always appreciated!


	6. Memories Don't Cost You Anything (Except Your Sanity)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco tries to help, he really does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, I'm SO sorry it's been so long since I last updated. I really have no excuse okay, im so so so so sorry //////
> 
> I'll be putting up at least one chapter a day until I hit chapter 9 (i have all of that written already), and after that i'll probably be updating at least once a week, probably more.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!!

"Just talk to him," Marco mumbled in the general direction of Jean's head. They were sitting on Jean's couch, a bowl of popcorn between them and the sound of low-budget sitcoms rumbling from the speakers of Jean's shitty old TV. "It'll do you good." Marco reached for the remote, turning the volume down just a little bit so he could hear Jean's reply.

"I don't think you really understand," Jean replied, throwing his head back against the padding of the couch, "just how much of a bad idea that is." He felt around for the popcorn, fingers grasping at the couch before finding the bowl and diving in. Marco sighed and turned off the TV, earning a frustrated sigh from his best friend.

"What happened with you two, anyway?" He asked. Jean shook his head, pointedly avoiding Marco's gaze. His lips drew together, forming a thin line that Marco knew signaled the coming of one of Jean's world famous pouts. "Jean, come on." Jean crossed his arms and stared down at the popcorn like ignoring Marco would somehow make him disappear. When that didn't work out, he uncrossed his arms and sighed.

"He wasn't gay. Or something." Marco nodded, encouraging Jean to continue. "Two years together, and the day before I was going to ask him if he wanted to get an apartment, he dropped it on me."

Marco nodded slowly. "Still don't see why that means you can't say hi to him, though. Just go get a coffee or something."

"About that..." Jean mumbled, trailing off. Marco furrowed his eyebrows.

"You're mumbling again, stop that."

"I, um....I sort of told him I never wanted to see him again. And not to bother trying to say sorry because I'd punch his nose in if he ever tried to talk to me. And I might have burned his sweatshirt."

Marco let out a low whistle, out of words for a change. They turned back to the television, Marco turning it back on, neither one eager to break the silence. It sat thick and heavy between them, almost tangible over the half-empty bowl of popcorn. Jean shuffled his feet, socks scratching softly against the worn out carpet of his old apartment. Marco was chewing his lip, something he only ever did when he was worried. Absently, Jean wondered if there was some meaning or reason behind him remembering that, but all he could think of was Eren. Eren scratching the back of his hand when he was nervous, Eren and those damn poptarts, Eren sneaking in through his bedroom window on Tuesday nights, Eren's passive face as Jean has torn off his old green sweater and tossed it into the crackling fireplace. He had the fleeting realization that he had never asked for any of his things back, but he figured Eren had probably thrown everything out a long time ago.

"I had a dream about him," Jean blurted out, half to himself. Marco stiffened again, relaxing so quickly that Jean almost thought he had imagined it.

"Oh, really?"

Jean nodded in response, hands clenching into fists between his knees before unclenching again a few seconds later.

"And what happened?"

"We, um..." Jean coughed awkwardly, once, and Marco knew exactly what he meant.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

The breath escaped Marco's lungs in a long sigh, and he stood up slowly. Jean looked after him with a quizzical expression, but Marco just disappeared down the hallway, closing the bathroom door behind him. Jean leaned forward and put his head in his hands, tuning out the sound of the television.

_Eren slipped his arms around Jean, leaning over the back of the couch and intertwining their fingers. Jean moved back to lay his head on Eren's shoulder, drinking in the scent of his shampoo. He twisted his head a little to plant a kiss on Eren's cheek, drawing a little chuckle from his boyfriend. He smiled and pressed his lips to Eren's skin again, this time blowing a raspberry against his neck, and both boys collapsed in giggles._

_"You're so lame," Eren said, nuzzling his face into the hollow where Jean's neck and shoulder met._

_"Mmmmmm, not as lame as you," Jean replied, squeezing Eren's hand gently._

A touch on Jean's shoulder startled him, and he hated how he instinctively leaned back into Marco's hand.

"Are you okay?"

Jean started at the question, still somewhat lost in thought.

"Y-yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."


	7. If Only I Could

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco takes matters into his own hands. Jean is going to punch his best friend right in his pretty, freckled face, he swears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IV E FAILED YOU GUYS AGAIN I AM SO SORRY i said i would update every day but i didnt and,,, i should really stop making promises i cant keep okay im so so so sorry im surprised some of you are still sticking with me ok im so sorry

> **< Marco Bodt to Jean Kirschtein>**
> 
> Jean! Eren isn't working today, do you feel like coffee?
> 
>  
> 
> **< Jean Kirschtein to Marco Bodt>**
> 
> you sure hes off?
> 
>  
> 
> **< Marco Bodt to Jean Kirschtein>**
> 
> He doesn't work on Thursdays :)
> 
>  

Jean breathed a soft sigh of relief and tapped out a quick reply before getting up to take a shower. It had been nearly a week since he had properly hung out with Marco, and video games with nameless, faceless strangers online didn't quite fill his quota for interpersonal interactions. Sometimes it actually sucked, only having one friend. He figured he should probably have more, considering he had spent upwards of four years in this godforsaken town, but he had just figured Marco was all he needed.

He showed up at the cafe an hour later, but his car was the only one he recognized in the parking lot. Marco's silver Prius was nowhere to be seen, and Jean furrowed his eyebrows. It wasn't like Marco to be late - or even on time, really, he was always early - but Jean just figured he mist have walked. After all, he didn't really live that far away. He squinted through the windows as he approached the cafe, but only saw one customer, the mop of dark brown hair facing away from him. 

_Marco._

The bell on the door rang softly when Jean opened the door, and - true to Marco's word, thank whatever god was out there - Eren wasn't behind the counter. Jean looked over at the booth Marco was sitting at and saw two coffees sitting on the table, softly steaming. He let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, and waved a hello to Mike, who was idly wiping down the counters.

"Hey, Marco," he said as he neared the booth. "What did you-"

Marco turned, and Jean's words stuck in his throat.  _What the fuck?_ Eren looked up at him from behind the shaggy curtain of hair that he had mistaken for his best friend's. Jean could feel his chest tightening, images of Eren smiling and laughing swimming through his head. He tried to take a step back, maybe pull out his phone and call Marco to ask  _what the hell was going on_ , but the second he moved he was overcome with a bout of dizziness. His hand found the table, stabilizing him, and his slid down into the booth.

It was only to keep from collapsing, he told himself.

Eren watched him, pretty turquoise eyes blinking slowly as if studying a wild animal. His eyes had always been a little too big for his face, and adulthood hadn't changed that one bit. His hair had grown out a bit, Jean noticed, it almost brushed his shoulders now. It was mostly tied back in a messy ponytail at the nape of his neck, exposing the tan skin there. His face was no longer soft and boyish, it was made up of hard angles and sharp bones, and the faint shadow of stubble ran along his jawline. Jean wondered when Eren had started growing facial hair.

When Jean found his voice, it was rough and gravelly, just abrasive enough to match his current emotions. "Why are you here?" he asked, thanking the higher powers that his voice didn't crack.

Eren started. "W- well your friend - Marco? Marco, I think - came in yesterday, and-"

"No. Here. As in this town. You have  _nothing_ to gain from coming to a tech school. You're a journalist. So why are you here?"

"Well, you see, I- maybe if- I just thought I might see you if you would-" Eren seemed to shrink into himself as he talked, realizing how silly his words actually sounded. Jean, on the other hand, was getting more and more riled with every word that came out of his ex-boyfriend's mouth.

"If I would  _what?_ " Jean ground out, knuckles turning white from gripping the leather seat beneath him. "If you're looking for pity, you won't find it here."

Eren fell silent, looking over at Mike. The barista took the hint and nodded, disappearing into the back room. Eren and Jean were the only ones left in the coffee shop, which left Jean feeling considerably more exposed than he had felt when Mike was in the room. When Eren spoke again, his voice had dropped to a low whisper, low enough that Jean had to strain his ears to make out his words.

"What did I do to make you hate me like this?"

Jean was struck dumb. Threads of words,  _I don't hate you I never hated you all I wanted was to love you you meant everything to me it was only ever you,_ ran through his head. He pushed them all away, feeling his lip curl into a sneer.

"What did you do?" he growled. "Are you really that  _thick,_ Eren?" Eren flinched.  _What am I doing? This isn't what I want to say, I don't want to push him away._ He stared at Eren, the other boy fidgeting under his harsh gaze. "You told me you loved me for  _two years,_ then turned right around the day before graduation,  _the day before I was going to-_ " Jean broke off, stopping himself before he could reveal something that could humiliate him even more. As if his very presence in this situation didn't do that ten times over already. "And you said it meant  _nothing_."

"I said I wasn't gay," Eren said meekly, not meeting Jean's eyes. "I never said it meant nothing."

They were both silent after that, Jean looking out the window and Eren gazing down into his half-finished coffee. Jean's phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to check the message, thankful for the distraction.

> **< Marco Bodt to Jean Kirschtein>**
> 
> Sorry...

Jean gritted his teeth, sliding his phone back into his pocket. He would deal with Marco and his shit plans to get him and Eren to talk later. He had more pressing matters at hand, such as the fact that his first - and only - boyfriend was sitting across the table from him, trying to make excuses for breaking his heart. Eren, as if sensing Jean's growing discomfort, cleared his throat and looked up from his coffee.

"I missed you, you know. Five years is a long time and you just cut everything off and left."

Jean could think of a dozen different responses to that statement, but he knew he'd just mess up and say the wrong thing if he opened his mouth. Instead, he nodded and reached for his still untouched coffee. He didn't miss the way Eren's eyes followed his every movement, wide and hopeful. He took a sip.

It was too sweet, full of sugar and nearly half vanilla creamer. He swallowed it easily, but it left the sickly sweet coating of sugar on his tongue and palate. It dawned on Jean that this was exactly how he had liked his coffee in high school - more milk and vanilla than actual coffee. He tried to ignore the fact that Eren had remembered exactly how he used to take his coffee, instead trying to focus on the fact that Eren was dumb enough to think he'd still like his coffee the same way after five years. That complaint wasn't exactly justified either, though, because Eren  _had_ been shut out of his life for the past half of a decade. 

_He should be out of my life now, too._

Somehow, Jean couldn't bring himself to act on that thought.

"It isn't so bad, is it?" Eren asked. "Seeing me again?"

Jean had to stop and think at that. If he was entirely honest with himself, he had missed Eren too. Cutting him out completely, no matter how hurt he was, had been the single hardest thing Jean had ever done - this coming from the Jean who had gone through four years of college. The more irrational side of his mind tried to reason with him, telling him that it would be even harder to let Eren back in after all that had happened.

_I don't have to let him in, though. I just have to talk to him. Right?_

Jean, realizing that Eren was probably waiting for an answer, sighed. "No," he mumbled, "I guess it isn't so bad after all."

The look on Eren's face was bright enough to blind Jean, and his mouth turned up in one of his signature dazzling smiles. Jean had missed that smile, and he mentally saved the image. "You've gotta do my coffee better, though," he said, only half joking. "It's too sweet to stomach."

The smile on Eren's face didn't diminish one bit at Jean's criticisms, he only tilted his head to the side and smiled wider. "Don't worry, I'll get it right next time!"

Jean tried his hardest to pretend that Eren's last two words hadn't sent his stomach tumbling. It worked about as well as his attempts to keep the grin off his face.

That is, to say, it didn't work at all.

**Author's Note:**

> I need reviews to survive
> 
> Help out a starving artist :c


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